Jenniffer Ochoa

PAS 113B

Professor Broadous

February 22, 2012

Appreciating what you love the most

What am I doing? What am I supposed to do? Do I join the Marines like I promised my dad I would or do I play basketball to fulfill my dream? My name is Michael Bradford, born on February 3, 1993; I have a birthmark on my right calf, light blue eyes, and tan color of skin. I am six feet four inches, weigh approximately 190 pounds, and I use my height to my advantage to play basketball throughout my high school years.

 I come from a small town, populated with mostly middle class families in Northern California. I live with my two young brothers, Daniel and Kyle, and my parents. My mom’s name is Carmen Bradford, the most caring and hardworking woman I have ever known. Growing up, my mom will tell us how she had other ambitions in life before becoming a mother of three, it was to become a runway model and live in New York. Now that she is a mother, she seems to understand life in a different perspective, and is truly happy that things did not turn out the way she always dreamed of. She works in the hospital a block away from our house as a nurse and takes care of my dad. My dad Richard was let go three years ago due to a severe seizure that left him in a coma that he has not yet awoken from. Seeing my dad suffer from brain injury as I have grown up haunted me like a dark nightmare that was inevitable to wake up from. I always forced a smile and blinked away the tears, because I had to show my dad I was strong and hide my fear from him, but I found it arduous to keep a happy face, I just felt like one day he would not be my side anymore. I remember he always told me "happiness is the key to life", which made me wonder what would happen if I wasn't happy?

 One day at school the teacher had asked me, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“Happy”, I said.

“You don’t seem to understand the question”, inserts the teacher.

With a nonchalant tone I told her, “You don’t understand life.”

I know my life may sound a bit tragic but no one’s life sounds like a fairy tell. I have been through ups and downs throughout my childhood life, my dad having to visit the emergency room constantly. It was up to me to miss school frequently to take care of my two brothers, but successfully I remain strong by what is going on around me. I am a senior at James Logan high school, located two blocks away from where I live, I have been an outgoing and devoted student with a remaining of a 3.4 GPA, and have been offered a scholarship to play basketball at UCLA. Despite from all the hard work and effort I put in school, I am jubilant that I have two important others in whom I consider family; my girlfriend April and my best friend Dylan. I have known Dylan since I was ten years of age and we have been close friends ever since. We do everything together and I know that I can always rely on him. April caught my eye the first time I glanced at her walking towards the bleachers as I warmed up for my first freshmen basketball game of the season. She seemed like the perfect girl to me, soft beige skin, long dark ashy hair glimmering in the light while it cascaded down past her gentle shoulders, light brown glowy eyes, approximate 5’6 tall , and had an innocent looking face in which it made you fall in love easily. I could say that I had fallen in love for the first time; well at least that is what I thought it was. That particular moment when I felt my heart was meant to be hers that is until I became conscious that she had left me for my best friend. Deciding to head back after I finish my time in the Marines I decided to stay instead. Four months after my dad passed away, things had changed, and I did not know what I wanted from life anymore. I felt like a trapped. What hurt me the most was when I knew I could not trust my girlfriend or my best friend anymore, and this is how it all began:

September 6, a cloudy Thursday afternoon walking home out of basketball practice I asked Dylan,

“Do you think I should join the Marines like I had promised my dad?”

 Dylan with a shame in his voice responds,

“Are you kidding me, you love basketball, and you are getting a scholarship to play ball and maybe soon be able to play in the NBA, and you are reconsidering the Marines!”

I did not know what to think of my decisions anymore. And with a confused tone of voice I told Dylan,

“It is not easy as it seems bro, I made a promise to my dad and I feel guilty of not keeping it.”

 I just knew one of my desires was to become a professional athlete, but had yet made a promise to my father of joining the Marines before he went into a coma. My dad wanted me to join the marines growing up, it was something he wanted to serve, and so I promised him that I will help him accomplish his goal. I did not want to feel guilty of not doing what my dad had wanted me to do ,but it was my life and I had other plans I made since I started playing basketball. I thought telling my decisions to Dylan was the best thing to do, but instead I felt even more suffocated. Thinking wisely of how I should tell April, she suddenly appears a block away right behind us scolding my name out,

“Michael wait for me!”

 As soon as she is approaching us Dylan tells me,

 “Well my dad is picking me up see you later bro, and hey, wish you luck in whatever decision you make.”

 I forced a smile back to Dylan and waited until April catch up to me. I could not keep my eyes away from her; April is one of the few people that makes me fall in love every second that I breathe. She began to talk me as she approached to me,

“So today was a fantastic day!” she said with an excitement in her voice

“Guess what happened.”

 And for the first time of our relationship I looked away and found myself in another world of my own; not listening to any word she was blurring out. April figured something was wrong, she knew it was arduous for me to hold back my thoughts,

“Babe is there anything you want to share with me?” not letting me respond back she continued to talk,

 “Are you breaking up with me just because we are graduating less than a month, is that what are your planning to do?!”

 I could not let her conclusions get out of hand so I began to tell her,

“Whoa hold up there butter scotch. That is not what I was thinking about.”

I took a deep breath before I continued, seeing the anxiety in her face,

 “I was just baffled about moving out to Westwood and start college over there or serve myself to the Marines.” I finished telling her.

 I felt less weight in my chest, but I felt something was not right. She said,

“Well I am happy for you, do whatever makes you jovial.”

But I know she was being stoic over my whole decisions. It began to get dark, the sun getting covered by the gloomy clouds as the trees began to move side to side with the flow of the windy air. As soon as I left her in front of her house I gave her a kiss on the cheek, grabbed her gently by her arm, and told her,

 “I will do whatever possible to make you smile.”        

    It is Thursday November first; a month since I last graduated high school, and I moved out to Westwood with Dylan and April. Continuing playing basketball was something which made my girl real happy, and that was at it matter to me at the moment. She convinced me to continue college, and told me,

            “Be optimistic your dad will soon recover.”

“I believe you, I have faith babe” I told my girlfriend.

 I felt that she was right, and ever since then my life in Westwood has been great. Unpacking our luggage in our new apartment felt like something new to me, but it felt like the right thing to do. Dylan with excitement says,

 “This has been a great outcome in my life and especially moving out and going to the same school with you Mike”, I saw Dylan wink at April but didn’t took it into consideration. April felt jubilant as well and said,

 “Even though I am not planning to continue school I will eventually try to find a job out here” in an inconsiderate tone of voice.

 I do not know whether she meant it or not but I knew I will be around her to support her decisions. It started to get late so we hurried up to put our things in place to be ready for when Dylan and I start school on Monday. The next three days after we moved out we spend time together, and everything came out just right, we laughed and went for a walk to explore our new surroundings. Living out here in Westwood was nothing like back at home, but it was a beautiful serene place to be around as well. Hearing the beautiful birds sing every morning and seeing my girlfriend and my close friend get along so well like the Saturday night I saw them watching a movie together made me feel happy and alive.

Walking to my first week of practice felt nerve-wracking, because I felt that college sports will be really tougher than high school. Also because I did not know what to expect from college basketball but I knew that I am almost near on accomplishing my dream, wish made me feel a bit confident. As I Warmed up with my team ate it made me feel like I had another family I never had, and on the way we were all showing teamwork made feel like this will be a successful season. Finishing practice Coach Williams stops me and tells me,

“Well Well, by what I was looking at this whole week, Mike you are going to do great this season.”

 It made me feel great hearing his compliment so I smiled back and told him,

“Thanks coach I hope so too”

Before I headed out the gym back to my apartment. Walking out of the gym I felt my phone ringing. I checked my phone after I had gotten a text from April saying

“Babe, wait for me after your class”,

And six missed calls from my mom. It was the first time my mom called since I moved out. Receiving her calls made me wonder what she wanted and had a feeling something might be going wrong back at home. As soon as I arrived into my apartment I returned the call to my mom. After an hour on the phone I hanged up and I start to feel out of place. My view of the whole world looked dark and felt like I was in another dimension. The notice that my dad had passed away this morning made me feel guilty and empty inside. I always felt this day will be coming, but never thought it would be this soon. I didn’t know what to think of myself anymore, not keeping my dad his promised was making me feel ignorant. I felt bad about the decision I took, so the only thing that was in my conscious was to go back to North Cali, and serve myself to the marines. This same day I decided to leave, I got my car keys and took off before my girl and Dylan got home. I did not want to share how I really felt to others. I wanted to be alone and find my true self. Driving home on a windy afternoon for four hours was what I was doing and was the best for me to release my anger out. Leaving April without having no idea where I will be going tomorrow will have her frantic, but I know I want to do some time in the Marines and finish my whole life with her. Getting home, I saw my brothers crying along with my mother. I knew they were hurt as much as I was, but it was inevitable to bring him back. I knew he will be in his own world with comfort but we needed him to be around with us. I hugged my mom so hard; she began to cry in my shoulder. I let her cry a river until I told her my decision was,

“Mom I decided to leave school and serve myself to the Marines” I told her in a low voice.

 She accepted my decision, and told me,

“Be careful in any other decision you plan to make honey, I just want to see you happy.”

    My first day at the marines was an aloof feeling for me. I did not show any expression or fear on whatever was surrounding me. I just wanted to do some time here and go back in continue what I left in Westwood. I knew I could not leave April baffled of where I went and so I wrote her a letter a week later, and this is what it said:

    “April I know I left you oblivious of where I will be going, but things changed after my dad passed  away two weeks ago, and now I am in the marines...I’ll be back with you eventually.”

 That was all I could have think of, so I send it to her. I could not stop thinking about how much it hurt me leaving her out there on her own, but something told me Dylan will be protecting her until I go back. He knew that I will be making that decision eventually, and when I did not return back to the apartment he text me,

“I know things are being harsh back at home, but I wish you the best bro.”

After I finished reading that text I receive another from saying,

“Do not worry Mike; I will make sure your girl is safe here.”

It made me feel less relieve knowing my best friend cared what I was going through.

Approximate four months since I have been here in the Marines now, it was till now I received a letter from April. It hurt me reading that she had wrote to me.

“Michael I do not know how to tell you this, but hope you do not see it in a bad way. You left without letting me where you were going, which got me worried. I cried for several days knowing you were in the Marines, and I did not having any idea when you or if you will ever be back. Those day you were not with me Dylan was here for me and made me feel secure…Well maybe you may be thinking were am I getting with this, so I’m going to tell you before you find out on your own, I been messing around with Dylan since we moved out here in Westwood.”

Reading this letter made me break down in tears. Her gotten with Dylan was making me feel that I was never loved from her, especially how someone who I always relied on back stapped me. Knowing this broke my heart, I have lost two important people in my life. I did not know what to do, but to stay here in the marines.